Morning Prayer

(Contributed by Pallas Athena Austria)

April 14, 2010

"I have risen this morning by thy grace Oh my God …*"

I felt the sunrays coming from the bedroom window touching the entirety of my face prying my eyes and senses open. I blindly reach out across the sides of my right shoulder for my blackberry and as I expected albeit with dismay it told me it’s just around 6 AM.

I automatically checked the unread emails from my office and did a mental storage list of tasks to do afterwards. It is typical for me to sleep with work on mind and wake up with work on mind. The only difference now is its 6 hours earlier than my usual wake up time. It’s been like this almost for two weeks now. No matter if I sleep as early as midnight or as late as 4 AM, at around 6 AM, the sun’s reflection tells me to get up.

Sleep, sleep, glorious sleep …. Why am I deprived of it?

"And left my home trusting wholly in Thee ...*"

I blindly reached out for “Moon” and “Slumdog” but I can’t find them. They are my stuffed panda and puppy toys that accompany me in bed along with five other pillows.  They are gone. All I have with me is a single pillow tucked haphazardly between my legs and a big jacket on top of an extra blanket acting as my head’s makeshift pillow. Slight momentary panic gripped me and my mind began its ritual memory processing. And then it dawned on me, I am not in Manila, it is not high noon and I am not in the comforts of my beautiful blue bedroom raised 17 floors from the ground overseeing the rooftops of neighboring condominium units against a fairly quiet blue sky. I am in somebody else’s house , in a printing office turned guest bedroom, it is only 6 AM and outside my window in place of rows and rows of building  is  a large barking brown dog tied  to the window grills. I am in a quiet subdivision called Ecoland in Davao.

Mindanao, Mindanao, tell me how…..How you brought me so far from home?

"...and committing myself to Thy care...*"

About a few weeks ago, I booked an online flight to Davao with nary the resemblance of a plan and with just a quick call to an old college acquaintance to stay in their place for the duration. All I know is a loved one of mine met an accident and I am needed in Davao to be at his side. I looked at my plastic credit card and brushed away thoughts of how my bills have piled up considerably fast since late last year. I don’t want to think too much about how my expenses are starting to eat up my future savings. I heard a voice and it told me to go to Davao and that’s what matters. What about work? Amazingly, my female Jamaican boss allowed me to work remotely for that long period of time. What about the condo unit? What about the mortgage bills? I left a few thousand pesos on the table, grabbed my travelling bag recently used on a trip to Macau and Hongkong , piled a few clothes and off I went.

Hie Ho Hie Ho, its off to him I go… What is the Plan I do not yet know?

"Send down, then upon me, out of the heavens of Thy mercy, a blessing from Thy side...*"

I had so many good days. One of them is making pizza with two wonderful wonderful kids aged 6 and 9 that I fervently wished were my own. The goal is to come up with something yummy out of tasty, canned meatloaf, a small sized pouch of  tomato sauce  from the sari sari store with the secret ingredient we all love – cheese. One time, we did  bacon spaghetti as well. I was lacking sleep but I was energized by the excitement I share with the kids to find out what a loaf of bread with grated cheese placed in an oven for a few minutes would look and taste like after. Some other days, we would have a mini-hulahoops Olympics with CJ, the talented young songwriter, creative artist of just 9 years of wisdom ending up as the winner at 220 count. I finished last at 84 and cute little 6 year old Justin, future electronic communications engineer, second at 100.

“Tita Pal, can a stone be a magnet and does it always have to be black?”. That was Justin with his many mind boggling questions that I had to change my perspective that I am learned because I can’t answer them all outright.

“ I love you” . He kept saying that to me sensing probably that I have not fully believed him the first time he did say it. Not that I don’t believe it, its just that with everything that has happened to me in the past months , I am in total awe and overwhelmed by God’s swift response to my cries of despair.

My love, my love, don’t promise forever … I am happy and thankful enough for today …Is there anything else I would want when I have everything that is needed right at this blessed moment?

"...and enable me to return home in safety...*"

“Ate, when are you coming home?”. That was my 12 year old little sister from Las Pinas. A slight sharp pain quickly tugged at my insides. I suddenly wanted to book a flight back to Manila right there and then. “ I’m going back on the 19th”, I assured her. I had browsed despairingly for a cheap flight online but found the prices prohibitive at 3,500 pesos to 4,000 pesos one way so decided to wait it out.

“ How’s Corby and Yuri ( our pet shitsu dogs)?” , I asked. Corby has learned to eat rice because we run out of dog food, she reported.  I felt a bit guilty. In my rush to go to Mindanao, I forgot to leave money for my sister’s day to day and for the dog food. I realized its summer and she will be constantly hungry the big girl that she is and she would want to have some change to run to the store for quick snacks.

I tried to make amends.“ Do you want some durian chocolates?”. “Chocolates,  yes, but not Durian please”.  I smiled inside, I couldn’t imagine my little sister living in Davao, I have a feeling she would hate the place.  

Manila, manila…..I’ll keep coming back to Manila… Would home be the same when I’m not?

"...as Thou didst enable me to set out under Thy protection with my thoughts  fixed steadfastly upon Thee.*"

Elaine and Alfred , my Davao couple host are the epitome of  Christianity trying to live the Christian life the best they can. I would be amazed at how much energy they have in making sure every facet of their life is guided by HIM accordingly. From teaching at a Christian pre-school, to trusting the business affairs to daily prayers, to witnessing to as many people on a daily basis during prayer meetings and to opening their home to so many strangers day in and day out treating them as family as Jesus would most have been pleased to know, I am at awe.

They are not perfect, I admit. Nobody is anyway. But what I respect about them is I see them fight hard against life’s downs. I can feel their struggle but I also can feel how brave they are to always put on that clothe of positivity every time. All throughout, I will marvel how they are blessed not with material riches as I know they also want to have one day but they are blessed with the important things in life.

Never ever we will discuss, being rude to everyone…its like  we are not the sons of God.

That is part of the song their 6 year old son, Justin is singing composed by his 9 year old sister CJ entitled “ Best of Us”.

If you have kids that can sing and compose those kinds of songs, you know for whatever mistakes you may have done, you did something right after all.

Amazing Grace, how sweet Thou art ..to love someone like me…I was once poor but now I am rich …  was lost but now am found… How did I ever come to stray away from Thee when everytime I seek something else I end up finding You instead?

"There is none other God but Thee, the One , the Incomparable, the All knowing, the All Wise.*"

I have always been a Bible reader since childhood. I was brought up praying the rosary  as well and talking to Mama Mary on a daily basis. To this day, I can sing with much clarity all the songs I learned from being part of our Catholic parish’s children’s choir. I remember even the songs I learned from the Christian ‘s daily vacation Bible school I attended one summer.

Vacation church school.. hello. I'm glad that you are here. So we can all be together...as ONE BIG FAMILIY.

And so the song goes …

A couple of days ago, I picked up the Book that had accompanied me in my bed for all my 35 years of existence and I talked to Jesus one more time.

But I will send you the Advocate* - the Spirit of Truth. He will come to you from the Father and will testify all about me.” And you must also testify about me because you have been with me from the beginning of my ministry. - John 15:26

I made an assumption that I have left Your side but You assured me that I never did and I never will. I was so mistaken. Now, like the child I once was, I offer YOU  my being to be molded and filled once more  with the knowledge you have always wanted me to have and the wisdom you have always wanted me to continually search.

Let me be a lamp unto others ….

*taken from the Baha’i prayer book , a prayer by Bahá’u’lláh